Can't own junk inside the state of.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to have any useless material whilst staying inside Ohio. No nonsense to be found here, sadly.
Unfortunately, I lack the capacity to have any waste inside the state of. No garbage to be found in these parts, unfortunately. Can't acquire any waste within OH.
Unfortunately, I'm missing the aptitude to have any junk during the time residing within the borders of the enchanting state of. No waste available in the vicinity, unfortunately. I am without any excrement inside Ohio.
Regrettably, it is not within my capabilities to possess a single junk while residing in Ohio. No garbage available within Ohio, regrettably. I am unable to own even a speck of shit inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, sadly I am restricted to obtain any waste whilst living inside the state of Ohio. No waste to be found here, sadly. I am unable to obtain any of substance within Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I can't to have the slightest bit of waste while residing in the state of Ohio. No crap available here, unfortunately. I am unable to own any waste in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I am powerless to acquire the slightest bit of garbage whilst living within Ohio. No junk to be found here, sadly. I don't have even a trace of feces in the great state of Ohio.

Mᴀᴛᴛʜɪᴀs Rᴏᴢᴇɴsᴢᴛᴏᴋ on Twitter